Fly Me To The Moon?

Jack stood in the line at the spaceport waiting to board his flight to the moon.

The boarding agent smiled, offering him his space suit.

“Here you are sir, could you please put this on?”

Jack nodded, “Of course.”

She looked at his carry on bag. “You won’t be needing that, we don’t have any room for personal items.”

“These are my clothes for the trip.”

“Sorry sir, you’ll be wearing the space suit for the entire trip”

“It takes around three days to get to the moon, doesn’t it? I’ll be in these clothes for a week!”

The agent smiled. “Yes sir” but after a few days, everyone will smell the same.”

“But we’ll stink!”

“The agent smiled. “Not to worry sir, all the garments are treated with our signature cologne, Space Musk, named after our founder.” It’s been chemically engineered to smell just like him after a hard workout in low orbit”

She handed Jack a bag of large, white, toothpaste- style tubes.

“Here’s your food for the trip.” The founder favors the filet mignon paste.” She smiled cheerfully. “It’s been engineered to taste like the real deal, if you can get past the brown color and the look of it as it comes out of the tube.”

Now the agent handed him a sheaf of documents.

” You’ll need to sign off on these waivers indicating you understand that you may return with a loss of muscle strength and some other detrimental effects from the extended time outside of earth’s gravity.”

She handed him another.

“I almost forgot this one.”

“What’s that?”

“A waiver absolving the spaceline, should you be incinerated at time of earth re-entry, or disintegrate on lift off.”

“Your deluxe room on the moon is a shared sleep area that you’ll occupy with your space mates. Please note the lavatory is shared as well. Don’t forget to strap yourself to the, er, seat so you don’t float off while your doing your business.”

She looked down and whispered. “For you know, #1, you’ll need to use the suction tube to capture all the um, liquid.”

“What for?” Jack asked.

“We recycle all the urine, and reprocess it to drinkable water. It will be your coffee the following morning!”

The agent could tell Jack was looking skeptical now.

“Think of the memories you’ll have!” the agent continued.

You’ll be strapped to the rest of your spacemates as you plod along, bunny hopping in the low gravity, on a dusty dead satellite, breathing bottled air, unable to touch the surface with your bare hands, face shrouded in a helmet with a sun shield, no breeze on your face save your own filet mignon -smelling breath. You get about 10 minutes on the lunar surface. Upon your return following a period of quarantine, You’ll receive a picture of the moon, autographed by the founder. It’s the chance of a lifetime!”

She hesitated.

“Ill need your credit card to process the payment for your trip sir.”

“How much?”

“$50 million for an economy seat, plus tax. Extra for a seat that reclines, and another million for the inflight movie.”